My Most Disappointing Photo

Ok, it’s time for the full story.

Good photography is relative. Nothing had communicated that to me more than the hundreds of photos I posted on social media. Any photo of mine that I would post would get the adverse response from what I expected. I’d only post my favorite photos with varying degrees of success. But then again, I had context behind each image. You are subject to only your first reaction.

I knew how much effort went into the photo. I knew how much hiking, prepping, orienting, waiting for perfect light, editing and processing was involved. That plays into how much I was satisfied with a photo. That added value to the shot from a personal perspective. That caused me to be more inclined to like the photo.

Some photos are the result of several days scouting an area, taking hundreds of photos, trying different lenses, different apertures and shutter speeds. Not to mention the driving back and forth and processing the image afterwards. We are talking about literal days spent on a single picture. Miles upon miles walked. Hours spent standing in the same spot on multiple different days just to capture different clouds and skies.

It sounds like I’m ranting.

It’s because I am. You see, I posted so many photos I was very proud of on the ol’ social media. I would consistently get a mild response from people. I’m proud to admit the demographic I attracted online the most was females between the ages of 55-75. In other words, my mom's friends. To be fair, they really did like my photos, and not just because I was the son of their friend. Or that is what I told myself.

And as a negative and critical person towards my own abilities, I was constantly discouraged from posting photos and sharing them with anyone. It seemed like no one cared about my photos. I looked like no one liked them.

Then I bought a new lens.

This was a pricey lens. A lens that would allow me to take different kinds of pictures. One that would allow me to have wider shots and had decent portrait capabilities. Well, I spent the money, I’d better go use it. And use it I did.

I was entering into some of my darkest days of anxiety when I got this lens. Walking long distances was a challenge for me. Traveling in the car to remote places was a struggle. So I drove to a park nearby called Mendon Ponds Park in the middle of winter.

Nothing against Mendon Ponds Park, but I’m not a fan. There isn’t much there but woods and some ponds (as the name suggests). Frankly, I still don’t like this park, but I wanted to drive around to feel free again. I wanted to explore like I used to before anxiety kept me down and home. I parked in a spot, I saw some trees. I noticed that the driveway went up to some trails, and made my way up the hill.

Birds.

Mendon Ponds Park is known for hand feeding pretty songbirds like chickadees. You’d walk on a certain trail with birdseed in your hand. Every once in a while you can stop, stand very still, and hold out your hand. It is one of the most unique experiences I’ve had.

Tangent. You stand there in the woods and it starts by hearing the fluttering of the wings. These things come soaring towards you with scary precision and grab onto your fingers with their pointy talons. After looking at you awkwardly, they grab a seed and they are gone in an instant. Adorable, but unique.

Anyways. I walked down this trail to see a fence with birdseed left on it. I could hear all the birds around me. Occasionally one would land on the fence to grab a morsel for consumption and escape to partake alone, hidden in the branches nearby. Having watched this spectacle for a couple minutes, I kneeled down to try and capture one of these with my new lens. This was the real test to see how well all that money could capture this moment.

Aww, bird is running.

I took a handful of shots and walked back to my car. I was cold and I was bored. I looked through my shots and thought nothing of the pictures. They were ok. I’d put them on my computer for a better look but there was nothing to write home about.

Sure enough, I reviewed the photos and I noticed that one had the chickadee mid stride as he was running across the fence. I thought it was cute. It was pointless, it was simple, it required zero minimal effort. It was a bird.

As a joke, given how much money I spent on this lens, I posted this picture online. It. Blew. Up. Everyone loved this photo. It got so much attention. When I started offering to sell prints of my photos, 90% of people specifically requested the chickadee photo. The bird! Everyone wanted the bird!!

I hated it.

I’ve come to grips with it since then, how relative photography is. I’ve come to grips that it doesn’t matter what I think of a picture. I’ll always be wrong, but that isn’t the point. You see, I’m a fan of other people's photos as well. I’m in the driver's seat of opinions to other photographers' pieces of art. I am personally captivated by images that make me feel something.

I don’t and won't ever have the context of how that photo was taken. I won’t know how much work or effort or time was dedicated to that one image. I will only have what the photo made me feel when I first looked at it. And that is what I expect from you all. That you like or dislike based on how you felt when seeing my photos.

I’m here to share stories. I genuinely hope you like my photos. I like my photos, just not this one.